Karen's Blog

Embracing Silence

Embracing Silence: A Pathway to Self-Care and Inner Wellness

“Silence is a source of great strength.” – Lao Tzu

My mind is very busy place. I recently went on a 4-day silent retreat. I know! I make my living speaking and four days without talking!  My family and friends told me I would die! (spoiler alert – I didn’t!)

I playfully said I was going over the Easter break to avoid chocolate and my kryptonite, hot cross buns. As a recovering (might depend on who you ask!) control freak, I was secretly concerned and a little anxious about no contact with the outside world. No phone, no internet, no books – just me alone with the million thoughts and open tabs in my mind.

There were twenty-one of us. We had our first evening talking and introducing ourselves, and then we were silent for a full three days, participating in seven meditation sessions, yoga, and philosophy teachings daily. I didn’t even know how to meditate. I learned how to sit, to quiet my mind, to be still. 

I loved it!! The quiet and stillness were incredible. To be able to slow down, hear my thoughts, acknowledge and witness them, and, more importantly, listen to and feel my heart was profound. It got me thinking about how little quiet and stillness there is in most of our daily lives…

Each morning, before breakfast, I went for a walk along the road to enjoy the fresh morning air and the sun rising. This was a rural community with dairy farms dotted around the region. It was this road sign that also had me pondering. “Slow down – Don’t burst their bubble.”

Horses need extra space on the road, and I loved the bubble idea. In what ways might you create moments of ‘bubble time’ to protect yourselves from the fast, busy and noisy world that might derail you? 

The great news is you don’t need to go on a retreat to do this and creating stillness in your life is essential. I’m going to suggest it is one of the MOST IMPORTANT self-care and well-being gifts you can give yourself.

 

This might seem overwhelming. It might even feel scary to be alone with your thoughts. Often, noise is a distraction from feeling, thinking or dealing with what is really going on. 

In Marianne Williamson’s writings, made famous by Nelson Mandala, she wrote: 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 

Getting Started:

The journey toward embracing silence and stillness is a gradual process. Just as with any skill or habit, it requires patience, consistency and dedication. Choose one idea at a time and integrate it into your daily routine. Embrace both the productive and stagnant sessions, recognising that each moment offers an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. 

Here are some suggestions to create more quiet and stillness in your world…

1. Stroll in Silence: Leave the distractions of audiobooks, podcasts, and music behind as you embark on a quiet walk. Take in the splendour of your surroundings and let nature be your soundtrack.
2. Journaling Journey: Dedicate 5-10 minutes each day to journaling. Begin by expressing gratitude for the blessings in your life and reflect on how you aspire to impact the world around you positively.
3. Drive in Peace: Turn off the radio or your music while you drive. Embrace the serenity of silence.
4. Nature Pit Stop: On your way home from work, pause at a nearby nature spot. Take a moment to inhale the fresh air and let the tranquillity of the outdoors replenish you.
5. Mindful Media Consumption: Be mindful of the news you consume. Steer clear of stories that weigh heavy on your heart, especially those beyond your control. Sometimes, a break from the news cycle can bring much-needed peace.
6. Early Morning Bliss: Wake at 5 am and indulge in some quiet time for yourself. Experience the stillness that envelops the world at this magical hour.
7. Tech-Free Mornings: Resist the urge to reach for your phone or scroll through social media first thing in the morning. Instead, savour the moments after your morning routine, allowing yourself to ease into the day with calmness.
8. Soothing Soak: Treat yourself to a leisurely bath. Light a candle, sink into the warm water, and luxuriate in the blissful silence that surrounds you.

 

MORE Busy Mind Hacks to help you navigate the chaos of daily life:

• Task Taming: Begin your day with a brain dump to unload and organise your tasks. Prioritise them to create a clear action plan, allowing your mind to focus on execution rather than juggling to-do lists.
• Distraction Detox: Minimise distractions by closing social media and muting notifications. When drafting documents, disable spell check to immerse yourself fully in the creative process. Remember to re-enable spell check later for accuracy.
• Tidy Transition: Before leaving work, take 2 minutes to organise your workspace. This small act ensures a tidy environment for a seamless start the next day.
• Prep for Tomorrow: Before going to sleep for the night, jot down a list of tasks for the following day. This pre-emptive planning can alleviate mental clutter and help you sleep better.
• Focused Flow: Resist the urge to multitask. Instead, tackle one task at a time with concentration, fostering a sense of accomplishment and efficiency.
• Mindful Interludes: Incorporate mindful breaks into your day. Step away from your desk or classroom for a change of scenery, indulge in a brief dance, or enjoy a humorous video. Engage in activities that uplift your spirits and rejuvenate your mind.
• Grounding Rituals: Create grounding rituals to anchor yourself amidst the chaos. Whether it’s walking barefoot on grass, stretching your body, or a meditative moment, these practices promote mental clarity and inner peace.
• Nutrition for Neurology: Nourish your brain with hydrating fluids and brain-boosting foods to combat mental fog. A well fuelled brain operates with heightened focus and clarity.
• Mindfulness Tools: Use mindfulness activities and apps to cultivate a calm and a centred mindset. Explore resources like the mindfulness practices outlined in my previous article for effective techniques to ease mental turbulence. https://karentuiboyes.com/2020/06/mindful-activities-and-practices/

 

Epilogue (I’ve always wanted to write one!)

As I reflect on the past week since the retreat, it feels as though I’ve undergone a profound reset—a return to my ‘factory’ setting of centeredness, calmness, focus, energy, and purpose. Life seems to unfold at a gentler pace now. I’ve made conscious changes to stop playing the game on my phone and reducing my habit of aimlessly scrolling social media, seeing how much this has been a distraction in my life.

I have continued to be still for 40 minutes each morning and practice the techniques I have learned. These include: 

– Focusing my attention on my breath, counting each inhalation and exhalation in series: 1-7, 1-14, 1-21, 1-28, and so forth.

– Cultivating awareness of the pause between each incoming and outgoing breath.

– Using box breathing, a technique involving inhalation for a count of 4, holding for 4, exhaling for 4, and holding for another 4.

– Silently saying the mantra ‘so hum’ or ‘I am’ with each breath cycle, aligning ‘so’ or ‘I’ with the inhale and ‘hum’ or ‘am’ with the exhale.

After this transformative experience, I am even more convinced that stillness is the key to well-being. I am a work in progress and intend to maintain my daily practice for no other reason than that I feel so alive and vital. I sense that I am uncovering more of my true essence—my authentic self. It is totally worth the effort. Watch this space!

Tags: Karen Boyes, Karen Tui Boyes, personal growth, selfcare, silence, wellbeing

Published on Saturday, April 20th, 2024, under Health & Wellbeing, Life lessons, Personal