Karen's Blog

You are not your child’s friend; you are their parent. You are responsible for their physical and emotional well-being, keeping them safe and helping them navigate life’s challenges. It’s also your role to teach them right from wrong. Sometimes, this requires tough love—saying no and trusting them to make their own choices.

Boundaries Are Like Netball Rules

Parenting is a lot like a game of netball. There are clear boundaries and positions on the court. If a player or ball crosses those pre-determined lines, the whistle blows. Play stops, the reason is explained, and possession is handed to the other team. Set your boundaries and let your child roam freely within them. If they cross a line, calmly let them know, enforce a pre-determined consequence if appropriate, and explicitly teach the desired behaviour. Role-playing is an excellent way to reinforce this.

Boundaries at Home: Practical Examples

In our family, we have a simple rule: everyone must say hello when they arrive home (even at 3 a.m.) and goodbye when they leave. This is about respect and politeness. Once, our daughter left without saying goodbye. When I realised, I called her and let her know she had crossed one of my boundaries. She was apologetic, and it hasn’t happened again. Even her friends now follow this rule. It might seem insignificant, but if I had let it slide, it could have opened the door for other rules to be broken. Boundaries matter, even in the small things.

Consistency Is Key

Boundaries create security and safety. They signal: “This is the way we do things around here.”
Consistency is essential. If the rules constantly change or are not reinforced, children feel unsure and unsafe. They will push boundaries to test their strength and clarity. Imagine playing a game of netball where the boundaries keep shifting. It would be confusing and unsettling. Children need predictability to thrive.

Tip: Decide on your rules and display them clearly. These are your family’s boundaries.

Pick Your Battles

Family therapist Dr Margot Brown offers great advice: “If it won’t matter after 72 hours, it never did. If you don’t feel the need to react after 72 hours, don’t at all.” Choose what you can control, can’t control, and want to control. For example, stop worrying about the tidiness of their bedrooms. Close the door and pick your battles.

What Will Others Think?

Stop Comparing! Theodore Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
It’s easy to scroll through social media or see other families and wish your life looked more like theirs. Stop! They are only showing the best parts of their lives. Trying to be like others is exhausting and unrealistic.

Speaker Lisa O’Neil puts it perfectly: “What happens in your home is normal for your family.” For example, our family eats dinner at the table every night. My children find it odd that their friends eat in front of the TV or in their rooms. Similarly, we didn’t nag about homework. It was their responsibility, not ours. We allowed free access to technology after school until 9 p.m., and our children mostly managed this well. You don’t have to agree with our rules—they are our rules.

“I’ll Trust You Until I Can’t”

As children grow, trust becomes key to balancing freedom and responsibility. I’ve always told my children:
“I will trust you until I can’t.” When they were young and said they were going to the park, I trusted them. As teens, when they went to parties, I trusted them when they said they wouldn’t drink—even though I knew their friends were drinking. They never disappointed us. In fact, they were sometimes the only sober ones at the party—a proud parenting moment! Trusting your children doesn’t mean you’ll rescue them when they fail. It means loving them unconditionally while allowing them to face consequences and learn life lessons. “With freedom comes responsibility. If you want to experience more freedom in life, you must take more responsibility for your choices.”

Boundaries Are Protective, Not Restrictive

Boundaries are not about controlling children or saying no all the time. They are about providing safety and guidance while allowing freedom to make choices and learn from the outcomes. When children experience the consequences of their actions within the safety of home and family, they learn resilience, responsibility, and self-regulation—essential skills for life. Set your boundaries, enforce them with consistency and
love, and trust your children to rise to the challenge.